You get up in the morning not because you’re looking forward to seeing what this next day has prepared for you, but because you have to.
You don’t look forward to seeing people and you’re not looking forward to new mornings and days because you forgot how amazing feels.
Even if something amazing happens, you probably wouldn’t be able to notice it. Because you’re too busy feeling alone.
From the moment you open your eyes this feeling overwhelms you. You wake up to a whisper in your ear that tells you nobody cares.
It tells you how you need to say, “I’m fine,” whenever someone asks you how you’ve been or how you shouldn’t tell others about your issues because nobody really cares.
You get up, strip off your clothes and get under the shower. You let the water roll down your face while you continue thinking that there isn’t a person in this world who could understand you.
You feel like you’re the only one, like you’re alone. So you end up getting out of that shower feeling tired even before your day started, but you somehow resist the urge to crawl back to your bed.
Is this really the life you want to have? Is this really how you want to live? Feeling tired, feeling like nobody cares, like nobody understands?
Aren’t you tired of feeling tired? Aren’t you tired of constantly bringing yourself down?
At one point you’ll have to snap out of it. At one point you’ll have to find the strength to stop yourself from being toxic.
You’re the toxic one here. You’re hurting yourself. And you need to stop.
You have to stop hurting yourself and decide to take care of yourself for a change. Because if you don’t do it, nobody else will be able to help you.
Somewhere down the road, in the comfort of your bed, you forgot how nice and warming it can be to have someone who actually cares.
You forgot how it feels to not feel alone, how it feels to look forward to a new day and new amazing things life can give you.
You might be unable to see it now, but this feeling of loneliness doesn’t come when nobody cares. It comes when the person you care utterly about doesn’t really care about you back.
There isn’t an uglier feeling than to see that the person you’d do anything for, wouldn’t even do half of the things you’re ready to do.
Only then your self-doubt starts and once that avalanche has been started, it won’t take long until it buries you.
You start feeling like you’re not good enough. You start thinking how you can’t do a single thing right and you start hating yourself and your life for not being lovable.
But worst of all, you start feeling like nobody cares. And you do all this yourself.
Instead of blaming the right person, you end up pinning all the wrong deeds from a single person onto every other person in your life. And you slowly start pushing people away.
Because of this one person who did you wrong, who didn’t reciprocate your feelings, you end up thinking that we’re all the same. But we’re not.
You’re just temporarily blinded by emotions, but once you’re okay, you’ll see you’ve been projecting the insecurities of one person onto all the people around you. And that’s what you shouldn’t have done.
So, tomorrow, when you open your eyes, decide to actually look forward to that day. Smile before you get up out of bed and while you start stripping your clothes off for a shower, start singing.
And then continue singing. And then get out of the shower and play some music. Let it be a song you’ll continue playing in your head.
The next day, do the same thing. And the day after that and the day after that.
Smile at your faith and welcome your new day with a song, ready to see all the amazing things that will hit you that day.
As for the person that doesn’t car care about you because of whom you started feeling unlovable and unworthy and not good enough of others’ attention, well, there is only one thing you could do and that’s to walk away.
Even when it might be hard to do it, even if you don’t want to hear it now, it’s the truth and I’m gonna drop it right here-sometimes you have to be your own hero and guard your own heart because a person you utterly care about doesn’t care about you at all.
Darling, you’re the only one in charge of your life and if you don’t love it, how do you expect anyone else to love you?
Whatever disturbs your peace, whoever makes you feel unimportant, unworthy or miserable- then they don’t deserve you and you’re allowed to walk away.
Once you walk away from such darkness, you’ll come to a daylight and you’ll be able to clearly see that there are people who truly care about you.
There are people who want to know how your day was, who’d like to go to the movies with you and who’d enjoy grabbing a beer at the bar with you.
Walk away from whatever makes you feel miserable. Stop pushing good people away. Learn how to fall in love with your life again.
Take care of yourself. Take care of your happiness. When you care, everyone else tends to follow.