I feel your pain…at least I want to. I want to listen, to wrap my arms around you, to tell you that you are NOT alone, that people care, that this will pass, that life CAN get better, that there IS hope, that NOTHING is unforgiveable or irreversible.
Know that brains lie, and yours is no exception! Question it. Challenge it. Fight back! You DO have worth! Things CAN get better! It will not always feel like this. These thoughts and feelings will pass if you can hang on. You are strong. The fact that you’re still here is a testament to that. Even the strongest need a hand sometime, though, so share your burden (and know that YOU as a person are NOT a burden). It will be easier to carry, possible to endure, with help.
Please find some tiny ray of hope and cling to it like the life raft that is. Things can get so much better!
Be in Peace!!