Open Topic

God’s Silence Is A Sign Better Things Are Coming, Maybe.

“Let your life reflect the faith you have in God. Fear nothing and pray about everything. Be strong, trust God’s word, and trust the process.” – Germany Kent

When things are going great, and there’s not much to complain about, it’s so easy to feel positive, full of hope and thankful to God for all of His blessings.

But when desolate times knock on our door and things slowly start going south, losing our faith in God becomes even easier.

A while back, I was going through a pretty rough period in my life.

It was one bad thing after another and it genuinely seemed as if God had decided to finish me off and toss me aside as if that was somehow what I deserved.

Life really threw me a curve ball, and I just couldn’t deal.

My life was falling apart. I was a functioning addict, and my BF at the time decided to leave me after five years together, with no real explanation other than that it ‘wasn’t me’ and he just needed to ‘find himself’. Whatever!

Yeah, in translation—find himself far away from me, which I understood… And as if reeling from that soul-shattering break-up wasn’t enough, as side from my addiction, I lost my job almost at the same time and I could barely afford rent.

I had just moved to the city a few months prior, so I wasn’t really friends with many people, as I was literally just trying to get going and find my niche, so making friends was still on the back-burner.

I was jobless, broken up with, an addict, and without a single friend in close proximity who I could vent to.

I barely made ends meet, and I would cry myself to sleep at night and hunt for jobs (and friends) during the day. It was rough.

I’ve got to say, that was a pretty shitty situation to be in. And it really tested my faith in God.

I didn’t necessarily question His existence, I just believed that He had given up on me. I could no longer feel His presence, and I was so doubtful that I ever would again.

I mean, how was I supposed to feel differently? I had literally nothing good going for me and I wasn’t in the best place emotionally, to say the least.

But soon it hit me.

I had been so full of faith just a few weeks before all the shit started happening, and suddenly, when life became too real, I just stopped believing? I was so disappointed with myself.

I was taking it all for granted All the blessings God provided me with in life suddenly didn’t matter, because I was going through a challenging time?

I knew better than that and I could see the error of my ways.

Everybody goes through their darkest hour. Everybody has a curve ball thrown at them at one point or another… but is that a reason to lose your faith?

No, that is when your faith in God is supposed to be stronger than ever. That is when God is testing you and you can’t let your doubts get the better of you.

Just because He is quiet, doesn’t mean he doesn’t see your pain. Just because you cannot feel His presence as powerfully as you did before, doesn’t mean He’s not looking out for you.

No, things aren’t great right now, but who’s to say it won’t get better? If you don’t experience bad things, you’ll never be able to fully appreciate the good ones!

And that’s why when God is quiet, you need to learn to read between the lines.

Don’t give up. Not on yourself, and especially not on God. He is always there, He is just testing you with these temporary challenges.

Believe that better things are coming because you know what they say… After the rain, there’s always a rainbow. And trust me, you’ll be able to see yours sooner than you believe.

Take this as an opportunity to show Him how strong and resilient you are. Keep your chin up. Pray and believe that He can hear you.

Let God be the light in your personal darkness, even when the light is temporarily dim.

In order to truly be able to feel His existence and strengthen your hope, first you need to be able to show Him your faith when He’s silent.

God desires only the best for all of us, including you.

He wants to get you away from your darkness, but first, you need to show Him your faith is intact and you are not taking Him for granted.

When your faith in Him is as strong during the difficult times as it is when you’re at your happiest, that’s when you’ll realize He never really left.

Don’t let His silence weaken your spirit or diminish your faith.

The occasional rain you face along the way, is an inevitable part of life that will help you appreciate your rainbow that much more, once you finally get to it.

Open Topic

Not. Your. Fault.

Dear You,

Perhaps you don’t have a name in this text, but if you find yourself to be one of those girls who just can’t stop blaming herself for all the wrongs she went through in her life, then this letter is for you. And you need to read it. You need to read it because there are some things I need to tell you, since you obviously aren’t willing to accept them on your own.

So, you still lay awake at night and wonder what is it that you do wrong? What is it that you do that makes other people hurt you or walk away from, as if you mean nothing to them? Why can’t you make them stay? You still wonder how come out of all people in your life, you are the only one that is never good enough?

I need you to stop doing this to yourself. I need you to stop being so mean to yourself, and I need you to stop blaming yourself for everything you’ve been through. Life is full of ups and downs and shit happens to everyone, but what determines you is how you deal with it. And frankly speaking, you should stop beating yourself up for the things you couldn’t and can’t change.

It’s not true that you could’ve done things differently. It’s not true that you could’ve been a better person, or that you should’ve sacrificed yourself more. You already gave your best to others, and they took it for granted. They used your kindness when they needed it and once they healed, they left you. But leaving is something that runs through their veins, and nothing you did was going to make them stay. They didn’t enter your life to stay forever; they came because God sent them to teach you a lesson. It’s time for you to understand what that lesson was.

Okay friends, that should’ve stuck around left. The guy who should’ve seen you and should’ve stayed, didn’t. Someone told you how you’re not good enough. You can’t reach the expectations others have for you. So what? None of this means that something is wrong with you. It’s just that you had that bad luck to meet too many toxic people in your life. But there isn’t anything wrong with you. And you need to stick this in your head once and forever.

I pray you quit overthinking, replaying failed scenarios, feeding self-doubt and seeing the good in everyone but yourself. You deserve more.

Stop blaming yourself, and stop recalling old memories that are painful. Stop beating yourself up, because of the things that happened in the past. Stop blaming yourself for the things you’re not guilty of.  And most importantly, stop tearing your self-esteem down.

You are worth much more than you think. And you’re better than you allow yourself to believe. And there is much more to life than you can wrap your mind around.

I’m sorry that you’re hurt. I’m sorry that they broke you. But they didn’t get the best of you. Keep that in mind. Nobody stole your sparkle. Nobody took your future from you. And nobody swiped off the kindness of your personality. You’re still able to do bright things in the future. You still have the time in this world to be the person you always wanted to be, but it’s time to start building yourself up now. It’s time to stop beating yourself up too.

Forgive people who hurt you for doing so. And then put them out of your life forever. Thank them for the lessons they taught you, and remember them forever. But don’t let them haunt you forever. May that be something that builds you up and makes you stronger—not something that destroys you. Don’t allow it all to become something that keeps you awake at night or something that tears your good mood down each time you remember it.

Now is the time to become the owner of your life. Now is the time to stop giving so much power over yourself to the wrong people. Now it’s time to show them, the world and yourself, what you’re made of.

Be strong and forgive yourself. Be strong and move on. It’s time for you to be happy again. Thank your heart for enduring so much pain and still continuing to beat. And promise your heart to never put it through the same hell again.

Accept that you can’t control what happens in your life, but you can control how it affects you. Accept that you can’t control how people treat you, but you can determine their places in your life based on the way they treat you. And always remember that you will never be good enough for wrong people, but you’ll be more than enough for the right ones.

I also learned it the hard way,

The girl who has already been there.

Open Topic

Depression And Anxiety, An Ugly Duo.

“For many people, the more depressed they feel, the more anxious they get; the more anxious they get, the more depressed they feel; and it becomes a vicious cycle,” (Calm Clinic, Anxiety vs. Depression).

Let’s start with you don’t need to have one to have the other. But in a lot of cases, people who suffer from anxiety, suffer from depression too.

But first, before we can understand the link between the two and why it impacts so many people together, we must first understand the differences.

Understanding depression.

More than being overcome with sadness, depression is a feeling of hopelessness and a loss of purpose in one’s life. It’s a shift in your brain where everything is negative and you fail to see the light. It’s a dark cloud that is in your life and it isn’t just a bad day. It’s s series of bad days that continue to beat you down.

It’s people asking what’s wrong and you don’t really have the answer, you just live with this uneasy feeling that things are supposed to be better, but that aren’t. It’s the guilt you feel and the front you put up because even when you know it isn’t your fault, you feel like it is.

It’s living behind this mask. Depression is the person who silently fights this battle no one really understands. It’s the nights going to bed crying alone and they won’t ask for help because the solution is to feel through it entirely. It’s the pull of wanting to be around people but at the same time, pushing people away.

Understanding anxiety.

Anxiety unlike depression isn’t a feeling of hopelessness, but rather helplessness. It’s being overcome with a fear or a thought that doesn’t go away. It’s this thing whatever it is consuming you to a point where you are paralyzed completely. It’s over-thinking, over-analyzing and what ifs creeping up on you and haunting you in a way. It’s the worst case scenario coming to life and it almost brings you to tears. It’s in every health scare you think the worst.

It’s in every relationship you think will end. It’s an insecurity of wanting people to just like you. It’s the inability to control it even if you wanted to. It’s the tension within you, you physically feel. The racing heartbeat. It’s your palms sweating all the while you seem calm and at ease on the surface.

Understanding the similarities between the two are vital to understanding their relationship and how one may lead to another.

Some of the similarities between them are a lack of sleep or staying awake and being completely exhausted throughout the day. Both disorders are built on the common foundation of not feeling good enough. More than anything, they both have a lot to do with self-image and a lack of self-confidence.

Both disorders are the want and need to control something, one may feel they can’t which leads to an insecurity within oneself and a negative mindset. It’s a cycle of one disorder constantly bouncing off and triggering the other.

For example.

Anxiety → Avoidance → Isolation → Loneliness → Feeling Abandoned & Alienated → Depression

And vice versa.

Through understanding, the relationship between these two disorders and how one may impact another negatively, this may help us to change that into something positive. This may help us so that one may impact the other positively.

For example, anxiety doesn’t always have to be negative. Sometimes anxiety and the fear of failure triggers such success that it diminishes the depression and that feeling of hopelessness and not having a purpose. Sometimes increased anxiety will decrease depression.

“Anxiety is considered healthy when it motivates us to take action in the name of an accomplishment,” (Helgoe, 2005, p. 22).

Personally, I find the most common link in my own life between anxiety and depression is a lack of sleep or finally falling asleep and struggling to wake up. Anxiety leads to wanting to prolong starting the day and not accomplishing something simple in the morning. I like running in the morning. But If I succumb to staying in bed and skip that run, I become depressed, then I feel like I’ve failed just starting off my day not accomplishing my first goal. To avoid that all together, I try to get up even on my worst days because I know how anxiety may lead to depression and depression will make me more anxious.

I think so much of overcoming anxiety and depression going back to your self-confidence and self-worth and like any relationship in your life, sometimes you gotta work at it. And if you can accept that a lack of confidence and self-worth are factors influencing these disorders and sometimes triggering them, the solution is something within your control as you improve the relationship with yourself. 

Self-confidence will lead to being less anxious about things and it will lead to not caring as much about how someone else’s actions impact you. 

Attaching goals to things and pursuing it, will help you to decrease depression within you.

It’s about identifying why you feel the way you do and making the steps towards fixing it.

Cognitive therapy which is talking to someone or using medication, is always a solution that helps some people.

For me personally, I’ve tried both and choose not to go in that direction. Instead, I’ve gained an understanding of myself and know how to bounce back from bad moments.

If you can do that and overcome yourself on your worst day, there isn’t anything you can’t do.

Open Topic

Loving Someone You Can Never Be with.

There’s this other type of love that doesn’t come dressed in everything you’ve ever wanted. It isn’t every dream coming true. It isn’t waking up one day next to someone and realizing the only thing that matters, is them.

It’s opposite really. Yes, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted standing right in front of you, but they aren’t yours to have. It’s every dream you thought of, imagining a life together, but the closest you’ll ever get to it is when they meet you in your dreams. It’s waking up alone and looking over at a bed you wish they were in. It’s your heart breaking, but you can’t even say anything because how do you explain or justify heartbreak when it’s someone you aren’t even with?

But the pain is real. The love is deep. And it cuts you to a point where you’re on your knees crying alone because the only thing that hurts more than heartbreak, is finding the right person when you or they aren’t ready for it.

It’s hard to come to terms with love being both beautiful and heartbreaking. But that’s the reality of loving someone you can’t be with.

Sometimes regardless of how good you might be for each other, it just won’t happen.

I think there are such things as soulmates not ending up together. And as much as I don’t want to believe that, I think you can go your entire life holding a little piece of your heart for someone else.

The right love is something we’d define as perfection, but the right love at the wrong time, are a lot of people’s reality.

And you walk around with all these feelings you don’t even know what to do with because the only person you feel something for, is the same one who cannot receive these intense emotions that keep you up at night.

For one reason or another, you’re both standing there in front of each other and there’s no way really to move because no matter what step you take, it will never be one together.

Sometimes love just isn’t enough to make something work.

So you painfully walk away looking over your shoulder one or more times. You begin to question love all but entirely. You question yourself and your judgment. You wonder why can’t it be so simple? And you’re left with no other choice but to move on.

Time moves on and the ache in your heart begins to fade away. But the honest truth about loving someone you can’t be with is, no matter how long you spend apart and grow on your own, those feelings don’t just go away.

You can bury them, hide them and even love again.

But there will come a time where you cross paths and every emotion will hit you like a wave and you’ll find yourself drowning in those same feelings you thought you left behind long ago.

You’ll look this person in the eyes and know whatever that ‘it’ is, it’s still there. And it burns you from the inside out with just a simple look. And one simple encounter will prove to you some things never change.